i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize