and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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