Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
