after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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