Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
