We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
