We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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