i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
