I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
