NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
