help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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