I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
