dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
