dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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