I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
