So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
