he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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