I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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