are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
