Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
