saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
