I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Its about making memories worth repressing
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
