I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
this hospital has no fireball
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
