i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
