Come see our sink grown plant.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
