Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
