I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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