Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
