I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my poor anus
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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