there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
