I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
