it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
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