Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
