there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
