I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
