Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
