Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
