How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My penis needs a shock collar
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
