Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
