Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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