: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
