Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
