The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
