Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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