just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
