I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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