You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
