"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
