If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
