Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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