i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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