He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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