that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
