You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
