You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
