Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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