I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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