dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?