Texts From Last Night

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  (607): View more from New York

  went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever

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  (607): went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever http://tfl.nu/r7ss
  Replies (6) Good night (3764) Bad night (604)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.

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  (806): My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do. http://tfl.nu/5eg0
  Replies (18) Good night (1315) Bad night (3757)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job

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  (913): the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job http://tfl.nu/faar
  Replies (24) Good night (6772) Bad night (666)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."

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  (989): I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him." http://tfl.nu/yg5c
  Replies (9) Good night (950) Bad night (3724)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.

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  (917): someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week. http://tfl.nu/uy84
  Replies (6) Good night (4086) Bad night (1126)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She just messaged me 19 sad faces.

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  (+44): She just messaged me 19 sad faces. http://tfl.nu/vblt
  Replies (25) Good night (1009) Bad night (6431)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  we need to find an occasion to wear tutus

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  (503): we need to find an occasion to wear tutus http://tfl.nu/4dk7
  Replies (17) Good night (2048) Bad night (720)
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  (831): View more from California

  He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!

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  (831): He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?! http://tfl.nu/h0ux
  Replies (21) Good night (669) Bad night (1290)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"

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  (630): REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl" http://tfl.nu/5hw7
  Replies (13) Good night (2823) Bad night (1310)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.

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  (253): He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child. http://tfl.nu/jtoq
  Replies (3) Good night (504) Bad night (1169)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY

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  (425): Sexual Frustration City, population: Me. (423): I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY http://tfl.nu/7zd6
  Replies (3) Good night (573) Bad night (643)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest

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  (402): Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest http://tfl.nu/bslf
  Replies (0) Good night (544) Bad night (334)
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  (805): View more from California

  I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop

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  (805): I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop http://tfl.nu/0zhw
  Replies (1) Good night (530) Bad night (338)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.

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  (317): I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before. http://tfl.nu/0l7m
  Replies (4) Good night (519) Bad night (569)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"

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  (281): I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop" http://tfl.nu/oaao
  Replies (0) Good night (381) Bad night (189)

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