Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.