It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.