alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.