ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
