Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
