Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs

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  (313): Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs http://tfl.nu/nept
  Replies (12) Good night (3017) Bad night (1103)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Where are you?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  In a non slutty way

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  (720): Where are you? (720): In a non slutty way http://tfl.nu/w6fm
  Replies (3) Good night (1249) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.

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  (618): for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed. http://tfl.nu/1nkf
  Replies (16) Good night (3151) Bad night (888)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed

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  (424): I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed http://tfl.nu/t74f
  Replies (9) Good night (5125) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.

  (334): View more from Alabama

  i do.

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  (256): from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot. (334): i do. http://tfl.nu/nohm
  Replies (14) Good night (5635) Bad night (1294)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.

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  (405): in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter. http://tfl.nu/55jx
  Replies (4) Good night (3129) Bad night (1099)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.

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  (415): I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward. http://tfl.nu/lmmj
  Replies (7) Good night (1283) Bad night (3573)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.

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  (904): After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay. http://tfl.nu/z22k
  Replies (4) Good night (2441) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy

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  (603): ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy http://tfl.nu/t11r
  Replies (13) Good night (2609) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself

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  (231): Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself http://tfl.nu/7j3v
  Replies (4) Good night (983) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...

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  (+44): The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off... http://tfl.nu/dj4h
  Replies (2) Good night (1417) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.

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  (615): Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy. http://tfl.nu/d7gm
  Replies (3) Good night (568) Bad night (1190)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'

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  (705): I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him' http://tfl.nu/4xts
  Replies (2) Good night (604) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is

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  (317): And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is http://tfl.nu/xorh
  Replies (0) Good night (794) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.

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  (915): No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head. http://tfl.nu/p2wc
  Replies (2) Good night (408) Bad night (383)

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