That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.