lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her