His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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