I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
