hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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