I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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