Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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