You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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