We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
even my farts smell like vagina
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
