Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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