I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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