He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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